Sight of the Eyes

My family, Caleb, and I went on vacation to the beach recently. It was a five day trip with six of the closest people to me stuck together in a beautiful place. The water was an array of blues and teals that was unstirred, allowing us to look down and see our toes. We all shared Caleb’s goggles and would go underwater to find jellyfish and schools of tiny fish. We would rock with the waves in the ocean for a long while. Time was lost on me. I would sway back and forth with the waves and not know where the sky began and the ocean ended. Caleb would swim up behind me and squeeze me in hug or beg me to play underwater ninja. Laugh at us, but underwater ninja is pretty cool. All those movies with ninjas doing incredible kicks and flips can be done easily in the water. Also it is free entertainment for all who look out to see two 23 year olds with goggles plastered to their faces flipping and kicking. My brother and Caleb would try to body surf waves in. They buried one another in sand. Everyone would sit along the shore and let the warmth of the sun carry them into slumber or let a book carry them to another place. I walked along the shore with my mom and sister. My 80 year old grandmother had me laughing with her comments. I soared 1200 feet high over the ocean with Caleb as we swayed with the wind and a parachute. I ate as much ice cream as one could eat. I fell asleep watching planet earth with Caleb as my pillow multiple evenings. I rode bikes and caught fish with the three men who make me laugh the most.

Regardless, I found myself walking along the shore on our last day disappointed. I had wanted vacation to look different. I wanted to feel completely rested. I wanted to watch the sunrise and sunset every morning and evening. I wanted my dad and Caleb to become best friends. I wanted Caleb and my mom to have long talks in the evenings. I wanted to have spent more time with my mom. I wanted to feel even more deeply connected with each of my family members. I wanted to have read a minimum of 5 books. I wanted this and that. Petty. I believe you read this and smirk at my entitlement. I do not judge you, I would do the same thing. But please think of a day, a time, a vacation, a moment, or an event when you could write a paragraph describing its wonders and then remember that at the end a longing was left in your chest. I can think of multiple.

I was talking with God as I walked along the shore, telling him of all the “less than” moments that I felt I had that week. I was telling him about my disappointment and all that did not happen. I told him about the longing and the ache in my chest. I teared up. Here I was, a 23 year old desperately longing for vacation to be heaven. I continued walking and talking. Imagine a sweaty girl wandering in the sand letting salty tears mix with the salty air, mumbling to herself. It is a sight. As I mumbled, I slowly was reminded of underwater ninja and my grandmother’s funny comments. I thought about the waves and how long and slow I savored them. I thought about the long bike rides. I remembered the taste of a doughnut in my mouth. I thought of the sky and it’s incredible array of colors in the evenings and mornings. Better is the sight of eyes than the wandering of appetite. Better is what is in front of us, than our wandering appetite for what we have not. The walk led me to the sweet practice of contentment. Contentment in the sight of eyes.

Contentment was practiced, but honestly, this past week I have been disappointed in myself for being disappointed about vacation. Please pity me for my bondage.

Walks along the shore leave one with easy imagery. The shore is where land meets ocean. Our feet and need for oxygen leave us standing stateside as the ocean stands unbound. I am bound and locked as land is. I long to be as the ocean, unbound. I long to be unbound from expectations and petty disappointments in myself. Unbound from what has made me bound.

I wait for heaven. Heaven is where sin will no longer have any grip. I will no longer waste days and time on disappointments and insecurities. Heaven is where we will be completely unbound. Completely free from insecurities, anxieties, lies, and past.

I am thrilled for heaven (and I mean indescribably thrilled), but I wrestle with the here and now. Heaven is the not yet, the promise, but our Savior is the already. I do not want to wait to heaven to experience being unbound. I still long to begin the waddling to the unbound ocean.

On earth, sin remains.

We sit in lukewarm water of a pool that’s connected to our overcrowded beach condo. He does not want us to stay in the still water. He wants us to slip our hand into His and walk to the ocean.

He does not expect us to only day dream of heaven while we settle for the poor man’s ocean of a condo pool. We do not have to just believe and wait. We can believe, wait, and live.

We can climb out of the overcrowded pool. We can find Him by the gate to the ocean. We can slide a hand into His. We can cling to His arm, as He walks with us to the shoreline. We can tell Him about how gross the pool was, how excited we are for the ocean. We can admire the blues and teals with Him. He will then walk us into the ocean. The lukewarm water of the pool completely washed off. I imagine He would play underwater ninja if asked. Then our lives are spent here. Here in the unbound ocean, being set free from the sin that attempts to cling to us.

We may waddle back to the pool sometimes. He will be at the gate again to walk with us again. The unbound ocean waits. Our Savior has paid the price to take us there. We do not have to be defined by our insecurities, anxieties, lies, misplaced hope, past, and present. We are defined by the One who is walking us to the ocean. The One who has saved us and redeemed us, to live a life that is free.

“For freedom Christ has set us free; stand firm therefore, and do not submit again to a yoke of slavery.” Galatians 5:1

He desires to transform us, he desires to set us free. Here and now. My vacation does not have to be defined by my insecurities and anxieties. He wants me to live in the ocean, not in a pool.

So here it all is. Here is where my vacation meets heaven and savior. Heaven will make everything perfect and complete. Sin will have no foothold in heaven. There will be no more sin. But my Savior has made it to where I can be transformed now. I do not have to wait to heaven to delight in being unbound. In my vacation and vacations to come, I can delight in the sight of eyes. I do not have to be defined by my disappointment. I can seek to delight as the author of Ecclesiastes states; “Better is the sight of the eyes than the wandering of the appetite: this also is vanity and a striving after wind.” With the hand of my Savior he guides my heart into contentment. I do not have to stay in the lukewarm pool of discontentment. It won’t be perfect and without tarnish, but it is on the path of freedom.

An experience of being unbound while still bound. How sweet. We wait to be fully unbound, but our sweet Savior wades with us in the waves. Laughing and delighting, as we laugh and delight. Freedom.

Pics of vacation + last couple of weeks for your entertainment.